I knew today would be a tough day but it hit me harder than I thought. Running Boston was my dream. To know that I reached a goal but wasnt able to cross it by a mere 7 seconds, has been devastating. I qualified for Boston by 4 minutes and 48 seconds. That should be enough right? Nope but 7 seconds faster I would be in that hotel room right now waiting to run across that historic course.
7 seconds is literally nothing. Especially over 26 miles. One can make 7 seconds up in no time. I've tried to not beat myself up over it but as a competitive runner, it's almost i.possible not to. Over the last 7 months, I've heard and seen it all. People try and make me feel better by telling me they ran it and it's really crowded and not a great course. Or, I'll get it next year and that will be my year. The best is being confronted every race by someone wearing the jacket. Those are probably the worse!!
Its sweet to hear people trying to make me feel better but it doesnt make one feel better to know they had the dream come through and I dont get my chance. Yes there could be next year but it's not really the point. The goal was reached, I shouldn't have to wait til next year, my time was now!
It's hard not to feel like a failure and to question the reasoning behind different outcomes. Why do so many get their dreams crossed but I feel like I'm always coming in second best. If it's not the race, or it's a job etc. When do I get my chance? It wasnt meant to be or it's all in Gods Timing are common responses people give me. I do believe both of these but waiting is hard. Waiting for the unexpected is tough because we want control! Well sometimes we just have to let go.
I became a Boston Marathon 2019 qualifier shaving 47 minutes off my time in 11 months. I met the goal, and that just has to be enough. There is no next year for me or flying around the country finding the fastest course so I can qualify easier. The goal is done and unto new challenges. I'm going to try and muster enough courage to watch it though. I feel that's pretty admirable but I will b off social media for 2 days because the posts of all the people going is like a knife to the heart.
We dont know why things happen the way they do and why some dreams get shattered and some get never ending luck. Everyday we wake up we are faced with choices. We can sit there and mope about are failures and troubled times or we can take what's before us, put that smile on our face and embrace the day God gave us.